Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Teabagging Protests Draw Attention To Dangerous Political Trends

Aroused to a desperate frenzy of action by neo-conservative commentators in both mainstream and new media, tens of thousands of protesters gathered for teabagging protests at venues across the US on Wednesday. The protests were staged to express traditional neo-conservatives' anger about political trends.

The rallies were directed against what movement leaders have called the Islamosocialistihomofascist agenda, including restoring capital credit markets, providing tax incentives for investors, and failing to send Navy SEALS to Vermont to stop the legislature's vote to override Governor Jim Douglas' veto of the same-sex marriage bill. 

In Boston, teabaggers waded into Boston Harbor, pulled off their swimming trunks or bike shorts, and proceeded to teabag one another while holding signs and chanting slogans. "I'm mad as hell," said banker Nick Tisdale, emerging from under real estate agent Dennis Von Soutern. "The government is giving away money and rights to people who do things like this!"

Meanwhile, the warm, humid spring weather caused trouble for the protest in Houston. "I'm going to be sick," noted insurance adjustor Douglas Marsh. "Never mind, stay where you are," replied fellow protester Mike Shambaugh, who leads the Texans True Militia.

There were many arrests across the country, mainly for indecent exposure, disturbing the peace, and in some jurisdictions, sodomy. Neoconservative commentators decried the arrests as violations of First Amendment rights of freedom of speech and assembly. "I'm afraid for my country," said Fox News' Glenn Beck, fighting off tears. "When men are barred from assembling peaceably to engage in a simple act of teabagging, this country is in terrible, terrible trouble."

"If the federal government continues to support socialist and homosexualist policies," said neo-con leader and Texas governor Rick Perry, "we'll secede! Are you okay down there, Ted?"

The bold, not to say ironic, nature of the protests was not lost on some conservative commentators. "For &*@#$s sake, Rush, keep it in your pants!" was all Fox's Sean Hannity could muster.

However, some conservatives have suggested that conservative teabagging has been going on for some time. Stepping out of a clutch of perspiring teabaggers in Atlanta, former Congressman Newt Gingrich claimed: "I started the conservative teabagging movement in the 90s. When it became clear what the Islamosocialistihomofascist agenda involved, I wanted to make sure every conservative Republican concerned about family values understood what was at stake."

"I started teabagging my fellow Republicans right away," Gingrich continued. "You know, so they would know how bad it is." 

Gingrich's work to fight same-sex marriage is also well-known among elite members of the conservative movement. "Think of all the careers and marriages of Republicans ruined by their sodomy," Gingrich said. "That proves the point: giving rights to gays destroys traditional marriages and family values. Are you okay down there, Glenn?"

4 comments:

  1. Sodomy???? PLEASE, PLEASE give me a real example. You can't post something that inflammatory and not provide FACTS. Everyone I have communicated with countrywide said the protests were peaceful (yet passionate), no violence, no trash on the ground. And you say there was sodomy?? Liar. I challenge you, tell me who, when and where?

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  2. This his hilarious. I am a lifelong Democrat, I am a GAY WOMAN and you're so off base you've left the stadium.

    The tea parties are similar to the PUMA movement during the Democratic primaries. They are NON PARTISAN - they are people who are angry about a perceived lack of control of the spending of our tax dollars and a congress who is not interested in protecting the constitution. Of course the Republicans and FOX jumped on board once they realized there an opportunity to highlight anti-Obama voices - but this is only because the Democrats stupidly refuse to listen! Once again, high level Dems like Nancy Pelosi are in some bizarre denial that there are not MILLIONS OF ANGRY DEMOCRATS out there who do not support the bailouts. There are!

    As far as your homophobia comments - Obama is against gay marriage because of his faith, his position is marriage is between a man and a woman because of the bible! Obama is also against repealing Don't Ask Don't Tell as evidenced by him killing the idea within days of Ellen Tauscher putting forth the legislation last month. So really, what is the difference between Obama's position and Gingrich's? THERE IS NONE! Obama expected our votes because of party loyalty but in reality his positions are no different.

    Millions are waking up to the way both parties have played us for decades. That is what this is about and I suggest you try to get ahead of the curve and do some deeper research about this movement and before you spout out simplistic theories.

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  4. "This post has been removed by the author?" What in the hell is THAT supposed to mean? Bob "Robert" Kirkman has finally lost his mind . . .

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